I wish I could go back in time to some terrible point in my life and say to myself, “It’s okay, Past Me. Someday you’re gonna go to a Dutch festival and you’re going to see Sleep, The Obsessed and Church of Misery all in the same day.” The latest news from Roadburn proves no less staggering than the realization of that. Sometimes it’s like existence is doing you a personal favor.

Here’s the update from Roadburn off the PR wire:

We’re excited to announce that seminal instru-metal pioneers Pelican have been added to the lineup of Roadburn 2012. Pelican last played Roadburn in the Green Room back in 2007, and will now appear on our main stage as part of their first European tour in several years. Pelican will play on Saturday, April 14, 2012 at the 013 venue in Tilburg, Holland.

Brooklyn’s Tombs bears the mark of total devastation. On the latest album, Path of Totality, Tombs not only evoke the classic sound and feel of black metal in its finest hour they also explore their disparate UK post-punk influences. And keep things incredibly listenable. The band has marched ahead boldly with the sound of impending doom since their inception and Path is endowed with all of the primordial intensity that is a hallmark of the aforementioned genres.
However, Tombs reach far beyond the ritual sounds of the past with an abundance of tonal variation. The gut-wrenching vocals and furious blastbeasts are interwoven with a dark and brooding atmospheric moodiness, making Tombs one of the finest heavy bands in the world. Tombs will appear on Saturday, April 14, 2012 at the 013 venue in Tilburg, Holland.

Making their fourth appearance in five years at the festival, it looks like Japan’s serial-killer-obsessed seekers of the almighty riff Church of Misery are poised to become the official Roadburn house band. All joking aside, Church of Misery were among THE highlights of the previous Roadburn festivals (even the main stage almost proved way to small for them), and Roadburn 2012 will mark their triumphant return, on the main stage again (of course!), together with Sleep and The Obsessed on Saturday, April 14 at the 013 venue in Tilburg, Holland.

Los Angeles based psychedelic rock quintet Ancestors will be making a highly anticipated return to Roadburn for the 2012 Festival. On their latest EP, Invisible White, Ancestors tamped down their surging stoner rock leanings in favour of a more cinematic approach with long moog/ modular synth workouts very much reminiscent of Pink Floyd circa Meddle and Live at Pompeii. Charting a new course for the band’s progressive, colourful sounds, Ancestors will get the chance to reprise their stunning 2010 Roadburn performance, this time supporting  the release of a new, much anticipated album. Ancestors will play on Thursday, April 12 at the Midi Theatre in Tilburg, Holland.

Dragged Into Sunlight, Christian Mistress, Horisont, La Otracina, Bob Wayne and the Outlaw Carnies and AUN have also been confirmed for Roadburn 2012, set to be held from April 12 to 15 at the 013 venue in Tilburg, Holland.

A mere two weeks ago, I posted notice that the kind souls at the All That is Heavy webstore were having a mega-sale with discs and t-shirts at 25 and 50 percent off. I also confessed that I did this only after going in and solidifying my own purchase. Well, the box showed up Wednesday and I’ve been making my way through the goods ever since. Here’s what I picked up:

The Body, All the Waters of the Earth Turn to Blood
Paul Chain “The Improvisor,” Cosmic Wind
Church of Misery, The Second Coming (Diwphalanx reissue)
Leif Edling, The Black Heart of Candlemass
The Gates of Slumber, Villain, Villain
500 Ft. of Pipe, Dope Deal
500 Ft. of Pipe, The Electrifying Church of the New Light
Masters of Reality, Pine/Cross Dover (American version)
Mustasch, Parasite!
OJM, The Light Album
OJM, Under the Thunder
OJM, Volcano
Ponamero Sundown, Stonerized
Raging Slab, Raging Slab (2009 Rock Candy reissue)
Sgt. Sunshine, Black Hole
Sin of Angels, In the Grip of Despair

Stuff like the 500 Ft. of Pipe and Mustasch I’d had my eye on for a long time. The psyched-up Fu Manchu fuzz of the former has been a delight long awaited. With The Body, I felt like I was finally giving into the hype, but at the sale price, decided it was now or never. Ponamero Sundown I wanted to listen to again before reviewing the new one and couldn’t find my old sleeve promo — apparently I’ve never heard of YouTube — and Masters of Reality I bought solely for the different label name on the side of the disc. It’s not the first time I’ve done that with them.

OJM I wanted to backlog since reviewing Volcano, and I included Volcano too because I didn’t have a full copy. The Raging Slab I very much enjoyed last night after work, imagining what new wave/no wave New Yorkers must have thought of them busting out those songs in 1989 and seeing the old pictures of drummer Bob Pantella, now of The Atomic Bitchwax. Sgt. Sunshine‘s a little stranger than I expected, but still pretty cool, and listening to it now, I think I might’ve already owned this Sin of Angels CD.

The rest I haven’t gotten to yet, but it’s worth noting that even with the drastically slashed prices, Dan and Melanie — the above-noted kind souls — included a freebie in the form of Black Materia, by Black Materia, which is rife with Anathema-style sorrow and metallic melody, in addition to being a Final Fantasy reference. Dig it.

The sale’s still on, but I don’t know for how long or anything like that. Hopefully I’ll have time to recoup some funds for another round before it ends, but even if not, I think I did alright the first time. If you missed the link above, check out the list of goods here.

Originally recorded in 1996 and long bootlegged before its official vinyl release in 2007 on Japan’s now-disappeared Leaf Hound Records, it’s not until some 15 years later that Church of Misery’s first album, Vol. 1, is seeing a legitimate CD release. Michigan imprint Emetic Records – who also reissued Church of Misery’s Early Works Compilation last year (another out of print Leaf Hound title) – has both CD and vinyl versions of the album, both with bonus tracks, and the Sabbath worship may have never been so complete. From the direct take on Black Sabbath’s Vol. 4 artwork, to the title, to the sampled storm that starts the album to the simplistic riff-based glory contained within the subsequent tracks, Church of Misery are missionaries spreading a message, giving praise in one of the most direct and vital ways: With groove.

The only remaining member (the only founding member left) from the Vol. 1 lineup of the band is Tatsu Mikami, whose wah-bass features heavily almost immediately with a solo on “Cloud Bed.” His Geezer Butler fills are to be expected, but like a lot of what Church of Misery has done musically over the course of their career, is no less glorious for hitting its marks. The serial killer obsession that’s come out in the vast majority of their lyrics is nascent on Vol. 1, vocalist Kazuhiro Asaeda handling most of the words with help from guitarist Tomohiro Nishimura, whose riffs – it should go without saying – are pure Iommic bastardization, and I mean that in the best way. The simple truth is that no one has ever quite captured the swing of mid-paced Black Sabbath as well as Church of Misery, and even as they close out Vol. 1 with a cover of Gun’s “Race with the Devil,” their treatment of it sounds like Trouble doing one of the tunes off Masters of Reality. Obviously, that’s a good thing. They’ve always been a “what you see is what you get” kind of band, an ethic they seem to share with British outfit Orange Goblin, who got started around the same time, but their simplicity is a huge part of their appeal. “Kingdom Scum” wouldn’t work if it wanted to do more than rock. The way “Celebrate Pigs” invokes “Snowblind” would fall flat if it was trying to be more than it is. Church of Misery requires prior induction, and as Vol. 1 shows, that’s apparently been the case right from the start.

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Good news for anyone who hates paying eBay prices for their doom: Michigan imprint Emetic Records will reissue Church of Misery‘s Volume 1 next month. Emetic released the band’s Early Works Compilation (originally out on the defunct Leaf Hound label) last year as well, and in case you missed it, it’s awesome and you should get it.

Emetic sent word along via the PR wire:

March 8 will see the official rerelease of Church of Misery‘s unreleased debut full-length Volume 1 via Emetic Records. This will be the first time this has been officially released on CD. A vinyl version will be released towards the end of March. This release has been remastered (Souichirou Nakamura at Peace Music) and sounds amazing compared to the original release. Originally recorded in 1996, this is the oldest Church of Misery recordings.

Volume 1 track listing:
1. Cloud Bed
2. Nutz
3. Kingdom Scum
4. Frog’s Funeral
5. Cerebrate Pigs
6. Chilly Grave
7. Race with the Devil
8. Race with the Devil (Single Version)
9. Chilly Grave (Single Version)

Church Of Misery Will be playing the following festival dates with more to added soon.
Hellfest – France June 17
Tuska Open Air – Finland July 22-24

Well, it’s official: There’s a whole buttload of audio streams from Roadburn 2010 for you to check out. I thought on this Monday afternoon, posting a few more to get you through whatever it is that has you sitting in front of a computer would probably be the way to go. Hope you enjoy:

Church of Misery live on Roadburn 2010 Main Stage

Church of Misery live at Roadburn Afterburner

Altar of Plagues live at Roadburn 2010

Ancestors live at Roadburn 2010

Monarch! live at Roadburn 2010

Karma to Burn live at Roadburn 2010

Mouth of the Architect live at Roadburn 2010

Suma live at Roadburn 2010

Troubled Horse live at Roadburn 2010

Witchfynde live at Roadburn 2010

Church of Misery covering Saint Vitus. If it gets more doom than that — no, wait, it can’t possibly get more doom than that, so I’m not going to entertain the hypothesis. This comes off the Born too Late split with Sheavy. Good stuff.

I’m running late, so I’m going to keep this short. As soon as this is posted I’m going to head out the door and jump on 95 to get down to Manhattan to catch the Melvins, Isis and Totimoshi at Webster Hall. If you’re going I’ll see you there. Don’t buy me a drink because when the show is over I have to drive back up to Connecticut.

Stick around for next week. We’ll finish up the Top Five of the First Half of 2010 and have an interview with Tony Reed of Stone Axe, plenty of other goodies as well. Whatever you’re up to this weekend, hope it’s a blast. Stay safe and we’ll see you back here on Monday.

…I was going to call it the “Gleaming the Tubes” Edition, but figured no one would get the reference and it would sound more like I was the hippest plumber ever than just buying albums online. Don’t want to overdo it, you know.

I recently got a check for $90 for a column I write in New Jersey‘s longest-running alt weekly, The Aquarian. I get one every month for roughly the same amount, and true to form, I lost this one almost immediately. I’ve begged for a direct deposit and been roundly (and squarely) rejected. This — namely the fact that I didn’t actually have the money anymore — wasn’t going to stop me from spending it. I hit up Amazon and here’s a quick rundown of the subsequent wish list haul, the last of which just arrived in the mail today:

The Obsessed, The Church Within: I have no excuse for not already owning this album and I feel no small amount of shame for having only purchased it now. It was an oversight on my part and it’s been corrected. I’d prefer to just move on.

Church of Misery, The Second Coming: This one I have an excuse for not already owning. Two actually. First, it’s hard as fuck to find. Second, when you do find it, it’s similarly (and apparently copulatingly) expensive. Worth every penny for the frenetic, blasted-out doom that ensues though.

Dutch Oven, Electric Last Minute: I’m not even sure why I originally wanted this, but it was on my wish list for years and at this point it was a battle of will to see how long I could wait out buying it. It’s meh, but I know a long time ago when I put it on the list I must have wanted it very badly, so future me (which is now me) was basically just trusting past me’s instincts on this one. Turns out that guy’s kind of a jerk.

Trouble, Run to the Light: It’s the 1994 reissue of the 1987 album, but it’s also the last Trouble full-length I didn’t own, and I’m pretty sure I get a cookie for completing the catalog, so if you weigh it in terms of cookie/dollar value, Run to the Light just paid for itself. Suck a fat one, economy!

Pappo’s Blues, Volume 1: Early ’70s Argentinian psychedelic bluesy biker rock? Are you fucking kidding me? More please.

Color Humano, Color Humano: More Argentinian ’70s goodness. My only complaint with this is that it came in a sleeve, which is bullshit. I guess “limited edition import” means, “I’m a dick and I’m going to mail you my promo of this Sony reissue ha ha ha fuck you fuck you.” Always something lost in translation.

Beaver, Lodge: Because apparently every single time I order CDs from anywhere, ever, it has to include at least one item released on Man’s Ruin. This is cool though because it’s the promo, and because it’s not in a sleeve, I’m okay with that.

Snail, Snail: I know they just reissued it and it’s available for download through the band’s website, but I wanted the original deal and it was like four bucks, so I grabbed it and I’m not looking back. If you’ve never heard it and you’re not a complete asshole like me, buy it from the band and give them some small measure of support, since they’re good people.

Impulse usually plays a very small part in my CD purchasing, and even less so for buying online. Whether it’s eBay, Amazon, All that is Heavy or what, the final click may be on a whim, but I’ve usually sat and sweated over the decision of whether or not I actually want to buy this thing for at least a day or two.

Not so for the copy of Church of Misery‘s Early Works Compilation that I recently stumbled upon and snagged off eBay. The auction had been set to end in an hour when I found it and it was only at something like eight bucks at the time, and I was bored, so I watched it until there was less than a minute, then put in my bid and got it for about $11 before the shipping. It’s the original Leaf Hound Records version, and even with four dollars shipping from Britain, that’s not a terrible deal, but the purchase was ultimately pointless.

Here’s why: Early Works Compilation was just reissued. Weeks ago — maybe even three — by Emetic Records out of Michigan. I know Leaf Hound is probably defunct, and that’s the kind of thing I usually get off on, but what the hell? I could have just gotten the reissue on the cheap and probably filled a shopping cart with other goodies and had a great time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I got the record, but it just feels a little silly. It’s like hunting down the Man’s Ruin version of Goatsnake‘s Flower of Disease when the one on Southern Lord is exactly the same (no, I did not do this; but I probably would if I didn’t already have the original of that album). Ridiculous.

I take solace in the fact that the dude I bought Early Works Compilation off of plays in The Heads. That’s kind of cool. Like when I bought the Orange Goblin/Electric Wizard split off Mike Scheidt from YOB, also on eBay. Maybe if I keep that in mind I’ll have an easier time accepting the outright dopeyness of the “grab it!” impulse and feel a little better about the whole thing. Maybe not. Whatever. At least I won something. There’s always that sense of accomplishment when eBay‘s form letters are so happy for you. Really makes you feel the achievement. I’m gonna try reveling in that for a while and see how it goes; maybe put on some Church of Misery to accompany.

12:05AM: City Hotel, Tilburg, The Netherlands: You know, before the day started (and by day, I mean the show, which started at 4PM), I didn’t think it was too ambitious a plan to review all of the Afterburner special post-Roadburn event in one sitting. “Nah, I can handle it,” I said with confidence that only my first shots of caffeine since last Wednesday could have given me. “No problem.”

Well, the thing is that Afterburner, while not quite as intense to witness as Roadburn itself because it only runs on two, not four, stages at the 013, is still a great deal of show. Even in this allegedly more laid-back setting of just the Green Room and the Bat Cave, I found myself unable to see absolutely everything, leaving me once again to pick my battles. This is not a complaint. I want to make that perfectly clear. It’s like trying to choose what to see at the Met in New York. Pretty much whatever direction you head in, you’re gonna see some cool shit, but to do it all in one day can’t be done.

In other words, bear with me. This could be a while.

Jex Thoth opened in the Green Room at 4PM. For a nifty comparison, I’ll put their opening slot today in contrast with Death Row‘s yesterday in the main hall. You know those Windows 7 commercials where they take the already exceptionally good-looking people and they all start talking about how they thought of Windows 7, and then it cuts to a dream sequence of even more cartoonish exceptionally good-looking people? That’s like the jump from Death Row, who already ruled, to Jex Thoth, who were good at what they were doing, but a little silly at the same time.

It’s no real puzzle why the San Francisco five-piece got such a huge response from the crowd (which Death Row could have used some more of yesterday afternoon). Be-caped lead singer Jessica Thoth being some kind of ritualistic cult doom sex symbol certainly doesn’t hurt. Yeah guys, she’s the cute redhead who’s into Pentagram and plays with candles and incense on stage while wearing a cape and singing about serpents and flame vigils. Have fun living in the woods together after your pagan wedding, raising naked children of the forest.

Because that’s supposed to be the fantasy, right? I don’t know. I didn’t get into the set. The music was cool, I guess, but nothing really mind-boggling, and I just have a hard time taking that kind of band seriously. You know, if you were a fat bald dude hitting those same notes, playing with incense and wearing a cape, you wouldn’t be playing Roadburn. You’d be playing Dungeons & Dragons. No, Advanced Dungeons & Dragons. In your mother’s basement. Where you live. Oh, and you’re 47.

I think I’ve made my point. Looks matter. Even in doom, being the proverbial hot girl is helpful.

When they were done, Orange Sunshine‘s late-’60s obsessed garage psychedelic rock was a refreshing change of pace and a nod to the stoner rock purist set, who surely appreciated the lack of posturing. I know I did. I had to chuckle though at how much one of their riffs reminded me of Blue Cheer‘s version of “The Hunter,” but I’d soon learn just how honestly they come by it, since after an extended heavy jam on The Rolling Stones‘ “Gimme Shelter,” drummer/vocalist/Euro-Chong lookalike Guy Tavares shouted out their set to the memory of Dickie Peterson, then they closed with “Summertime Blues” and “Rock Me Baby,” in that order. There’s a word for that, and that word is “charm.”

And I’ll pause here for a quick side note. Nachtmystium played this fest. Where else in the world are you going to have the opportunity to see Nachtmystium and Orange Sunshine in the same building? These kinds of things only exist at Roadburn.

Church of Misery continued their assault on common decency with their set, playing mostly the same stuff as Friday when they were on the main stage, but killing nonetheless for the smaller capacity venue that is the Green Room. Hell, I’m relatively certain Walter could have had Church of Misery play the same songs every four days in a different room and people would have migrated from one stage to the other to see them again. It’s not a chance that comes up every day, and watching guitarist Tom Sutton do his stoner rock softshoe while vocalist Yoshiakki Negishi pretends to shoot people in the crowd — well shucks, my eyes get all misty just thinking about it.

Having seen them three times now over the last two years (all Roadburn performances), I can say they haven’t yet put out a studio record that captures just how heavy they actually are in a live setting. Houses of the Unholy came close, but the sheer volume they wield might be too powerful for modern recording technology. In this way, they are truly ahead of their time. As for their riffs, I think we all know they fall under the heading, “born too late,” which is just fine.

It was almost cruel to have to witness them do it, but Sweden‘s Graveyard followed in a sonic twist that came on like a big break between Church of Misery and Eyehategod. No complaints, it’s just not really my thing at this point. But hey, if you like skinny Swedish dudes with expensive equipment, vintage t-shirts and tight flannels, ’70s mustaches and hair looking like something off an Allman Brothers album cover, playing the rock and roll their dads probably listened to, then have I got a band for you.

To be fair, they were incredibly tight across the board, and the Green Room was so crowded that for most of the set, the only vantage point I had was through the doorway. It’s like there was a sign outside saying, “Must Be this Cool to Enter” with a line drawn under some guy with bellbottoms’ ‘stache as a measure. I’m nowhere near that cool, so I got some falafel and waited for Eyehategod. Things could have been worse.

I never fail to be surprised that I’m not the world’s biggest Eyehategod fan. According to my records, I own all of theirs (which isn’t saying much since they haven’t put out a full-length in a decade), but if you were to ask me to name six Eyehategod songs, I don’t think I could do it. Well, maybe six, but probably not 10. And I’ve dug it every time I’ve seen them, tonight included. They were fucking great, but in terms of what I listen to on a given afternoon, I’ll rarely reach for Eyehategod while sitting on the porch and sipping a beer.

A fun note; when bassist Gary Mader broke a string, vocalist Mike Williams, guitarist Brian Patton and drummer Joe LaCaze did a quick couple songs under the moniker of their “side-project,” Fuckmouth, and I managed to catch it on video, which you can see below.

Williams was good and fucked up tonight. When he came out on stage, I said to myself, “This looks like a guy who’s going to fall over at some point during his set,” and sure enough — toward the end, to his credit — he went backwards into LaCaze‘s drums. Where was Jimmy Bower in all this? Over up front on stage right, mostly in the dark, playing to the crowd. Kicking ass like he will.

Eyehategod was a good note to end Roadburn on. A slow, rung out, feedbacked note that seemed to last even after the amps were shut off. But being the greedy son of a bitch I am, I wanted to see what Dutch locals The Machine were doing in the Bat Cave, so I meandered in the middle of Eyehategod‘s set into the other room, only to find the young trio jamming out heavy Colour Haze style with vocalist/guitarist David Eering throwing in some “Stone Free” and not sounding like a complete jackass while doing it, which is nothing short of an astonishing feat for so junior and so caucasian a player.

Jamming is apparently their thing, but they do it well, and have two records out already with a third written and are looking for a label. I can’t imagine one of the sundry European heavy rock labels wouldn’t be interested given the opportunity. I know I would.

But alas, I only caught their last two songs — both jams — and they were done, so I went back to the Green Room to close out the night and the fest with Eyehategod. They slammed their way through an astonishing amount of material, and I’m pretty sure I heard Williams at one point start singing Pantera‘s “I’m Broken,” though it could have just been a coincidence of cadence. In any case, good times, and when it was done, I split out on the quick (no afterparties for my unfriendly ass) and came back here to write about it, stopping only for some pommes frites along the way.

This review is long enough, so I’ll save any grand reflections on Roadburn for another time under the consideration that even the most interested of Obelisk attendees has failed to make it this far (I don’t take it personally). My plan for tomorrow is to get up, be out of here by 11AM checkout and head — where else? — to Schiphol airport in Amsterdam to see when and if I can reschedule my flight. The Patient Mrs. says it might not be until next weekend, but I need to go in-person anyway since British Airways‘ sundry hotlines and website have proven useless in this volcanic clusterfuck. I expect to spend a good deal of time waiting on line only to find out nothing, but these are the things we have to do, aren’t they? That’s a small price to pay for the weekend I just had.

And I’ll tell you something else: If I am stuck in Europe for another week, you bet your ass I’m getting my francophile self to Paris tout de suite. I’m pretty sure I’d be the first displaced American ever to do that. Ever. In the history of the world. Ever.

Until then…

Man, it was late when Japanese stoner doom legends — now in their 15th year of operation — took the stage at Roadburn 2009 at the 013 Popcentrum in Tilburg. Over on the main stage, Colour Haze was noodling out, and it was so packed in the side room that I could barely move, let alone get a look at vocal madman Yoshiaki Negishi as he plunged ever further into the sinister recesses of the human psyche. They’re going to be back there in 2010, and as a way to maybe bridge the gap one to the next, Roadburn Records/Burning World has issued their set from last year. As someone whose ears rang from it the next day and the day after, I can safely say it was the right move.

This is Church of Misery’s first live record, and it’s fitting that it would be from Roadburn, an environment in which the band is as appreciated as they’ll ever be, preaching not only to the converted, or to the choir, but to an entire order of boozed-up cult followers, gone mad on European weed and stoner riffs. For an unhinged act like Church of Misery — who take the riff-riff-riff formula so many stoner bands emulate to no end and actually make it sound dangerous — it was the perfect setting. They did tracks from their split with Sourvein (closer “For Madmen Only”), and from their Master of Brutality, The Second Coming and Houses of the Unholy albums. Even “Taste the Pain,” which can be found on a 1998 EP of the same name — or the Early Works compilation, for those who’d like the easy way out — makes an appearance.

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I’ll say this for Tokyo stoner metallers Church of Misery: their sound is insane enough to do justice to the serial killers they write songs about. I once heard Slayer guitarist Kerry King describe the drumming of Dave Lombardo as being always right on the edge, totally about to fall apart, but completely in control at the same time. Well, Church of Misery don’t come off like they’re even trying to make the pretense of control. Chaos, human sacrifice, cannibalism. And on their latest full-length, Houses of the Unholy (Rise Above), a Sir Lord Baltimore cover for good measure.

On the back of the liner notes for the album it says, “No drone, no power ambient, let them eat doom,” and that’s a better review for Houses of the Unholy than I could ever write. Church of Misery‘s unhinged fuck-all doom moves quick, with songs loosely shaped around the unreal riffage from guitarist Thomas Sutton and the burly, spittle-drenching vocals of Hideki Fukasawa. The fast pace of a track like “Born to Raise Hell (Richard Speck)” — probably the most stoner cut on the record with a killer? bass break from main songwriter Tatsu Mikami around four minutes in that leads to a massive riffed-out slowdown and eventually back into the titular chorus — does nothing but add to the madness, with the wide open production of Junji Narita‘s cymbals giving the recording a live feel and constant ring. They are the very definition of lethal.

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